Why??

Well i juz read J's blog.. i duno y.. i seemed 2 hav realized sumtin bt i still dino wat exactly wat it is.. Tears juz seem 2 b flowing down my cheeks.. PMR is like da day afta tomorrow... Comming 2 tink of it.. y the hech am i cryin?? Well i do feel lonely.. HECK i do.. IS TER SUMTIN WRONG WIT ME?? well wat dont i have?? hav an awsome family.. awsome frenz... ppl hu care a lot 4 me.. bt ters still sumthing missing... I duno wat bt ter is sumtin missining frm my life... Its like i lost something dat was so precious 2 me.. is it juz me or does every1 hav 2 hav dat special sum1 in their life?? am i missing dat?? am i envious?? am i scared?? am i nervous?? am i a rebel?? did i hurt sum1 datz special 2 me?? did i do something wrong?? or is it cuz i put on loads of weight?? watz becomin of me?? im startin 2 b anti social.. dressin in black.. keepin quite... a part of me is asking wat happened 2 dat cheerful lil gal?? wer has she gone 2?? why is she do depressed?? she has almost eveything ppl want.. She has everthing she needs..but she cant stop crying.. everynight she cries.. but why??

Wierd Much...

Yesterday da FLM meeting was held in my hse.. so ter were da usual kids dat came.. n well 1 of em were P.. Seriously i tink he like has a crush on me or sumtin.. no joke.. 1st he was fine larr u noe like norm ppl.. at dat time i said i wanted 2 study.. well tell me hw larr 2 study in dat noise?? children screamin n runnin all ova n da meeting was down stairs.. at 1st he was like come tell ghost story.. i was like.. ala boring de larr..then v were juz leparkin around n he punched me n i punched him rite bak.. n well i gotta say he is quite strong..oh yea he also ended up like abngin in2 me at all da WRONG PLACES!!accident?? i donnno.. then he gt bored so he said he wanted 2 talk 2 me in private .. so i said ok.. so v wen in2 my room.. he locked da door n da toilet door as well so no1 could enter.. Well he dimmed da room lights.. as my room uses da yellow kinda light it looked cosy n well romantic.. He sat on da bed n i juz laid on my stomach.. Then he started askin me abt skool.. N i was like tellin him larr.. afta dat he wanted 2 tell a ghost stiry.. gotta say he is preety creative 2 make up a story lidat.. bt da thing i still could get was y me ALONE?? dat question was alwiz playing at da back of my mind.. N later v talked abt actress n i asked hu was his fav.. n he wan jessica alba, kiera Knightly n Edna.. LOL i was like yea rite!! bt da way he said my name was diff.. like umm.. i duno hw 2 explain larr.. anyway afta dat v ended up staring at each otha.. it was like almost 5 min.. v were juz foolin around doin stupid eye movements.. afta dat da gf topic came up.. n he told me abt his previos 2 n asked me y?? u wana b my gf?? i was like eww.. no!! Bt da thing was everytime he looked at me in dat sorta way.. i felt like ter was a connection.. U noe dat way like i wana kiss u sorta way.. n NR kept bangin on da door n she said going home.. so i wen 2 cek it out n our private converse ended.. sumhow tis lil voice in my head keeps tellin me he likes u n wanted 2 asku 2 b his.. wierd much?? Aftda dat he wanted 2 tell ghost stories so i wen out 4 awhile n he wanted 2 tell blu stories n i was like NO!! not here.. too many under age.. he is as well..N he was like shud hav told u abt it juz nw.. i wen like YEA!! 2 BAD!! in dat sacarstic way..xD So v ended up exchanging ghost stories.. n in awhile he had 2 go bak..

Bugg3R!!

OMG.. JB is such a bug i tell u.. everytime v met he has 2 do sumtin or say sumtin 2 me.. 2 dy afta tution he purposely kept on stepping on da bak of my flip flop... I tell u.. he has nth better 2 do.. He dosent reli distureb otha girls except me!! IM DA VICTIM!! haizz.. wat can i do?? so geram.. wana juz hit him bak!! xD... I tink im ova AD.. me goofing around aint dat fun de.. So i blocked him!! =D

Sadifiying?

Watz wrong wit me?? i feel like a total mess wen im not.. i feel like a total screw up.. i feel like da whole world is opposing me.. i dun feel wanted no more.. I feel lonely wen im not.. Im getting jelous wen im not supposed 2.. im crying 4 all da reasons dat dun make no sense.. im isolating myself.. is it cuz i need dat sum1 special ter 2 hold me up?? Y dun i feel rite?? is it cuz almost every1 has sum1 xcept me?? Y do i even bother?? I am causing my own pain.. Y am i doing tis?? wats wrong wit me.. Y dun i feel rite.. ters sumthing missing frm me.. I feel like i lost da world 2 sumthing... I feel like my life is falling apart.. Watz goin on?? I reli need sum1 4 me.. not my frenz n family.. cant seem 2 open up 2 em.. tey prob think i gona nutz or sumtin.. N mite juz leave me alone.. I dun like bein alone.. Wers da person u need wen u need him?? Why cant i find him yet?? Y hav i been attracting all da wrong guys 2wards me?? M i dat desperate?? Broken Inside.. Bt on da outside i neva show it.. though sumtimes i seem 2 b in my own world.. bt i can go nutz at times.. bt yet.. da sadness in me juz dosent seem 2 go away.. or is dis all cuz da exames r so close??? GOD PLEASE HELP ME!!!

OucHie....

Ouch.. my shoulder blade seriously hurts 2 da max!! n i sprained my neck 2 make matters worse.. hurting badly.. Skool was fine.. oh yea SA juz smsed me.. N i din bother 2 reply larr.. 2 lazy.. he prob wil b mizcallin me so dat i wud reply.. ish.. its getting annoying wen ppl juz keep on smsin u 4 nth.. except if its dat special sum1 its diff.. =) Not dat i have any1.. bt well.. ==

C was tellin me abt J n S 2 dy.. r tey hiding sumtin?? I duno.. well cant do nth abt it..

I gt so tempted 2 read H's blog.. well tey duno abt my blog.. sorta tryin 2 keep a low profile..

Believe me i gt a lil jelous at times .. Y?? i duno.. bt i noe he is reli nice!!. .. ..

Well he used 2 reli like me i tink its gud dat v r sorta a distant now.. At least he is still da same.. LOL..xD

Im getting a lil worried of myself.. im not studying well.. im taking things 2 lightly.. i dun seem 2 hav fear 4 my PMR tough i noe im not totally prepared.. now its all in GODS hands 2 c wat happens 2 me.. =)

Bet u Wil b wondering wat happened 2 AD.. Well i tink its over between him n me.. He was sorta mytype.. bt had quite sum things dat i din like abt him.. n i guessed he blocked me adi.. anyway he is 2 OLD 4 me!!! & 6 yrs diff.. he cud b my elder bro or sumtin..

Wierd..

AS has been acting reli wierd lately.. V were talkin abt exames n subjects we were weak in.. Then.. he said dat he wud pray 4 me.. n i said dat i hav been praying 4 him alwiz.. n he goes like i not oni pray 4 u bt also all our classmates.. ok i get it he is a nice person..n Enuf wit de Smsing adi larr.. havent i given u enuf hints dat i dun wana go furthur.. N i cant sms u so often?? He is so darn ANNOYING!!

No Fear..

Anotha 15 dayz more n i still hav no fear 2wards da exames.. usually by now i wil b so scared n wil b studying like crazy... looks like im not.. im not avan gud at all my subjects yet!!.. HELP!!!

17 DAYZ MORE..

Juz anotha 17 dayz n i wil b sittin 4 my PMR.. i duno y bt.. i juz cant seem 2 b able 2 juz take it seriously.. i noe it wil help decide my future.. arts or science... bt yet.. da fear is juz not in me.. im juz so relaxed.. im done studying.. i have so much more bt i juz cant seem 2 do it.. i duno y.. bt i juz cant.. well im tryn 2 study rite now.. a lil goin in.. a lil not goin in.. makin notes.. revising.. hopefully i do well.. i pray 2 God.. he is my oni hope left.. <3 Jesus!! aite i beta get goin.. muakxx ~DarK Ang3L

Looks Like i cant stay away...

well im not supposed 2 come on9.. but well.. how can i stay away.. terls lotz of thing 4 me 2 tell.. 1st lets start wit AS.. well.. he is a reli nice guy.. till i stoped smsin him.. told him earlier though i wun b able 2 cont smsin him tis often.. now abt AD.. well he is ok i guess bt a lil stressed up wit work.. he is reli nice n caring .. bt ters 1 thing dat i juz cant seem 2 accept.. He likes 2 talk a lil dirty sumtimes.. i get it he is a guy n stuff lidat.. he needs 2 release tension.. bla..bla..blaa.. everytime i tink abt him.. his nice-ness.. all da thing dat i dun quite like abt him juz flies away frm my mind.. I even dreamt abt him twice.. everytime he starts a converse i dun like i jzu say i gtg n leave.. though he has a very strong aura 2wards me.. he is like my magnet.. i can juz cant seem 2 saty away frm him.. bt da thing is.. v hav a very big age gap.. n im afraid dat he mite nt like me wen he meets me.. stuff lidat.. i even satrted thinking abt da future.. n wondering wil i b able 2 hav a happy life?? can he support me financially?? will my parents approve of him?? many questions run in my head.. at tis point my parents dun wan me 2 hav a bf.. datz preety obvious cuz v were on da way bak frm tution n my mum satrted saying things like all prob satrts wen u hav a bf.. n my dad says watz da use of havin a bf at tis age.. n my goes like.. it bring lots of prob..emotional probs.. n stuff lidat... well wat she says is rite.. bt u noe wen ur at dis age.. u tend 2 hav crushes n wen all ur frenz hav bf.. it gets reli akward wen ur da 3rd person n all ur frenz r wit their pair.. n datz da time u feel like watz wrong wit me?? Why dont i get 2 hav sum1 lidat 4 me..? Well da feeling juz reli sucks.. Well come 2 tink of it.. da ppl hu do well in studies in skool dun seem 2 hav a partner.. so i guess mayb its true.. u can concentrate more.. Bt wen i told AD dat i cant consentrate in studies if i was his gf.. he told me dat wen u hav a partner, tey wil alwiz b ter 2 support u.. b ter 4 u.. n u wil wana prove 2 em ur worth it.. n make em proud.. wat he says is also so true.. N i seriously duno if he is reli serious wit me.. arghh.. hating tis so badly..

Rumah Destiny..

Well yesterday i went 2 Rumah Destiny.. well its a home 4 kids.. had a small bbq party.. well i went 2 an orphanage b4 n da kids ter were totally shy.. bt tey were ok later bt ter were sum whom were still shy.. well in rumah destiny in abt 5 min n we were frenz wit ever1 already!! well except 4 da guys abt my age.. v hardly spoke.. haha.. ter was tis 1 guy AJ.. well i hav bumped in2 him b4 in Metro Tab.. well i neva found him very cute or anything.. he was sorta quiet.. he had a very diff look.. Well i sorta gt attracted 2 him.. Well he has a butt which i taught was hot.. da way he wore his pants din make it obvious bt it was HOt!! (i dun usually do tis.. guess im goin nuts!!) YEa n i still remember his Laugh.. it was so cute.. OMG im attracted 2 him!! anyway he is also my age.. xD well i hope v wil b frenz bt i dun tink i wana reltionship..juz wan it 2 b a lil crush.. if anything were 2 happen i would leave it all in2 Gods hands...